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An Evening With Peyton Manning

November 14, 2016 :: Comments (0)

An Evening With Peyton ManningA few months ago, Mike received an invitation from a fancy hotel inviting him to an exclusive dinner titled, “An Evening With Peyton Manning (google football player if you are like me).” Calm down, we aren’t that cool. Like we had to pay. It wasn’t a free dinner with Peyton Manning. This was a “couple’s soirée” and by default, Mike had to take me. Me who has never once watched a football game. Me who deplores social engagements. Me who has a penchant for blurting out a live stream of consciousness. ie: “People need to stop eating placentas. That is just nasty.” Couple we are having dinner with make subtle eye contact, man grabs his wife’s hand and gives her a reassuring squeeze that says,“Don’t you listen to her. Our baby is super advanced because we munched on its birth sac.” ... Continue reading »

I Am Woman Hear Me Roar

November 05, 2016 :: Comments (4)

I Am Woman Hear Me RoarFollowing last week’s blog, I received a variety of e-mails. My favorite was sent from a man in Texas. He said, “What is all this I am Woman Hear Me Roar bullshit? Bring back the funny! Lol!” Omg. Did we not read the same blog? I am fucking hilarious. Having said that, I would like to respond. In a blog. ... Continue reading »

Have a Ball

October 29, 2016 :: Comments (2)

Have a BallThe first time I saw a human ball was when I was 10 years old. Calm down. I wasn’t molested. I was over at my grandma’s house playing outside when her husband walked out onto their patio, smoking a pipe and wearing a pair of nylon jogging shorts. He casually flopped one leg up on their wooden picnic bench and asked me how school was going, completely unaware that one of his saggy balls had flopped out. I was mesmerized. ... Continue reading »

Growing Pains

September 01, 2016 :: Comments (3)

Growing PainsThis year I became a commercial real estate investor. My husband’s dental practice expanded to the point where he was literally “out of room.” I suggested we purchase a “gently worn” RV and a generator so he could do fillings in a parking lot. He countered with it was time to purchase land and build a gigantic building. The stars aligned, funding fell into place, I signed approximately 4 billion documents guaranteeing my first born, my house, my breast implants and/or any “bonus” bodily organs until our loan is repaid. ... Continue reading »

Evil Stepmother

July 25, 2016 :: Comments (6)

Evil StepmotherI was recently asked to write an article for a friend of mine's "Mommy Monday" series on her wholesome mom/fashion savvy blog (www.whatsupbuttarcup.blogspot.com) regarding blended families. I honestly have no idea if she will publish my article. I said shit. And weed. ... Continue reading »

Here's The Skinny

July 19, 2016 :: Comments (0)

Here's The SkinnyOkay, we have processed and are finally ready to talk about it…Deep breath… Lisa’s Version I was recently contacted by a Coolsculpt representative who wanted Erin and I to have our fat frozen off in exchange for a review of the procedure. Technically, I did not consult Erin prior to agreeing to this, but she owed me. Erin took us to get Brazilian waxes on our last field trip together and then laughed hysterically when I insisted she drive me to the hospital to get a rape kit after. I decided 6:30am was the perfect time to call and inform her of what we were doing. ... Continue reading »

Where the Dead Fern Grows

June 04, 2016 :: Comments (2)

Where the Dead Fern GrowsI spent the past month before I had knee surgery trying to nurse my 9 year old daughter’s chameleon, Fern, back to health. Fern became “egg bound.” Essentially, this means she was pregnant, but unable to push those life-suckers out. The only solution to this harrowing predicament was to spay and pray. Now before you Pro-Lifers start sending me hate mail and burning crosses in my yard, calm your shit down. While I did “technically” pay for a chameleon abortion(s), they were FAKE babies. Fern was a virgin. Like me. ... Continue reading »

Happy Graduation

April 30, 2016 :: Comments (1)

Happy GraduationLisa and I discuss the top ten careers of sociopaths to help parents with spawn graduating from high school. ... Continue reading »

Girl You Be Trippin

April 23, 2016 :: Comments (4)

Girl You Be TrippinSorry I haven’t written in awhile. I tripped and fell over my elliptical while playing tag with my kid and blew out my knee. I started physical therapy and am having surgery in a couple of weeks blah blah blah and now the better part of a year is being devoted to an appendage… Which brings me to the moral of this story: Stop playing with your children. Get them an iPad, throw some lucky charms on the ground and stay away from them. It is much, much safer this way. ... Continue reading »

Bye Felicia

April 19, 2016 :: Comments (3)

Bye FeliciaThis week Erin posted on her Facebook wall something about not keeping much junk, hating knick-knacks and admitted to throwing most of her kids artwork away (just like most of us moms who choose not to be hoarders). Anywho, a random super angry reader of the page called Erin a "heartless bioch" (yes b-i-o-c-h) and expressed that she thinks "we suck" blah blah blah.... and then her final sign off post was "Bye Felicia". (Actually she really didn't end there. She continued to spew hateful things.) ... Continue reading »

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I'm Erin

Hi there. I am so glad you stopped by! I started writing a couple years ago as a constructive way to channel my emotions at the prompting of my therapist. One of my assignments after being in therapy for a year was to write an autobiography detailing ... Continue »

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Recent Blog Posts

I'm Erin

Hi there. I am so glad you stopped by! I started writing a couple years ago as a constructive way to channel my emotions at the prompting of my therapist. One of my assignments after being in therapy for a year was to write an autobiography detailing ... Continue »

Search The Site

Shatter Buggy
Rockstar Fitness
Greenway Hail
Jimmy's Photo
Castle Pines Vet
Lisa Haigh
What's Up Buttarcup
ICE Enrichment Academy
Skin Secrets
Impress Design
Jack McDaniel
Funny Moms
Exclusive Tans
Mirage Dental
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